Category Archives: Sexual purity

Pursuing sexual purity with gospel power

Posted on June 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

Christians are sometimes accused of being old-fashioned when we talk about sexual impurity, yet even non-Christians struggle with where to draw  the line in sexual issues such as pornography.  Rapidly changing technologies have brought many advantages, but also many new temptations. Christians don’t have to work out where to draw the line, the Bible is clear ‘But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality’ (Ephesians 5:3). God wants us to be free from slavery to lust. Sex is a great gift from God to be enjoyed within marriage, but sexual immorality, lust and pornography only lead to frustration and pain.  Christians  have great spiritual resources in the battle for sexual purity. We have God’s word, his Spirit, his powerful gospel of grace, and brothers and sisters in Christ to support us in the struggle. In a famous sermon, Thomas Chalmers says: the only way to dispossess [the heart] of an old affection is by the expulsive power of a new one.[1] The way to make progress in putting off lust, is for a love to take hold of our heart that is so powerful it takes over every other desire. We find that love in the cross of Jesus, which offers both forgiveness and the power to change. Making progress in your battle against lust, doesn’t mean you’ll stop it forever overnight, yet by God’s grace, real progress, real change is possible.

R. Albert Mohler Jr., “The Seduction of Pornography and the Integrity of Christian Marriage” (talk to college students: PDF, MP3)
David Powlison, “Breaking Pornography Addiction” (article: part 1, part 2)
David Powlison, Making All Things New: Restoring Pure Joy to the Sexually Broken (conference talk: audio, video, and chapter)
Donald L. Hilton, Jr   Slave Master: How Pornography Drugs and Changes Your Brain
John Piper, Battling the Unbelief of Lust (sermon manuscript, audio)
John Piper, A.N.T.H.E.M: Strategies for Fighting Sexual Lust (article)
John Piper,   Sex and the Supremacy of Christ  (talk manuscript, audio, video)
Mark Driscoll, Porn-Again Christian (free eBook)
Rick Holland, A Biblical Strategy for Fighting Lust (talk; related manuscript)
Thabiti Anyabwile,  Women and Pornography (includes a short video testimony of Anne Jackson and her fight against pornography)
Brad Bigney, So what about masturbation? (article: part 1)
Brad Bigney, Masturbation so what’s the way out? (article: part 2)
I looked for love in your eyes (poem by a wife whose husband was addicted to pornography).
 
Accountability software:
Covenant Eyes , X3watch and  Safe Eyes are three possibilities, each designed to assist you in encouraging, open and honest conversations. A log of your internet browsing is sent to your nominated accountability partners. Available for PC, Mac and mobile devices.
Review: Steve Kryger, Avoid porn on the iPhone with Covenant Eyes
 
Books on lust and pornography
Joshua Harris, Not Even a hint: How the gospel rescues us from lust (Previously published as: Sex is not the Problem (Lust is))
Linda Marshall, Pure: Sex and relationships God’s way 
Tim Chester, Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free
Tim Challies, Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys who are Sick of Porn
Brian Croft, Help! He’s Struggling with Pornography  (for wives whose husbands are battling pornography).
 
Books on sin, temptation and change in general:
Kris Lundgaard, The Enemy within: Straight talk about the power and defeat of sin (built on John Owen’s work)
Tim Chester, You Can Change: God’s transforming power for our sinful behaviour and negative emotions
 
(Above resources adapted from: Justin Taylor, Porndemic )
 

[1]
The Expulsive Power of a New Affection A Sermon by Thomas Chalmers, 8.

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Posted in Online wisdom, Sexual purity

Training and protecting your children online

Posted on June 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

Rapid changes in technology have brought many advantages, but also various dangers. For Christian parents bringing our children up ‘in the training and instruction of the Lord’  (Ephesians 6:4) will include training them to use technology wisely. Below are some resources to help you:

1. Information sites
Be web aware (introductory information for parents)
Thinkuknow.co.uk (information for parents and children)
Facebook’s Family Safety Centre (minimum age for a Facebook profile is 13)
Net-cetera-heads-up (a guide for teens and parents about online issues)
 
2. Legal Risks
This article highlights some of the legal risks of using social media.  A recent study found most teenagers are unaware of these risks.
 
3. Training Program
Below is a promo  clip for God’s Technology a 35 minute presentation which costs the US$5 to download (free study guide ). It expands on the following 7 point training program which is then applied to Facebook:
1. Educate (teach both yourself and your children about online issues)
2. Fence (set appropriate boundaries)
3. Mentor (actively train your children in their use of technology)
4. Supervise (use appropriate physical and technological supervision)
5. Review (sit down with your children regularly and review their use of digital media)
6. Trust (gradually reduce the level of supervision as they grow in wisdom and earn your trust)
7. Model (show your children by example what wise and godly use of technology involves)
 
4. Interactive activities that children or young people could do with parents to assist in discussions about online issues
Cyber Cafe Quiz (quiz for 8+ on internet safety)
Cyber Pigs (game for 8+ about online safety)
A Thin Line (questions for 13+ from a largely secular perspective about where to draw the line in terms of texting etc. Though Christians may draw the line in different places, these questions could lead to helpful discussions.)

5. Filtering and accountability software. The clip below from Covenant Eyes   gives an introduction to some online issues :

This posted adapted from Steve Kryger’s list: Online Safety Resources and  his earlier post  Resources: How to protect our children online .

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Posted in Online wisdom, Parenting, Sexual purity

Resources for helping parents teach their children about sex

Posted on June 2, 2011 | Leave a comment

Christian parents are to bring our children up ‘in the training and instruction of the Lord’ (Ephesians 6:4). This will include having healthy, age appropriate, discussions about sex. Jesus’ view of sex and marriage is clear, when questioned about marriage he refers to God’s original intention: the Creator ‘made them male and female’ (Genesis 1:27), and said ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). Jesus concludes ‘So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate‘ (Matthew 19:3-6). Jesus and the Bible view sex as a good gift from our wise and loving Creator, to be enjoyed within a committed, life-long relationship between husband and wife.

Receiving a healthy, Biblical understanding of sex from their parents will help children as they are inevitably exposed to a confusing variety of views about sex and marriage. For example, one recent study found that 90 % of boys and 60% of girls between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally (London School of Economics January 2002). Early, age-appropriate discussions with your children keep the door open for ongoing conversations as further issues arise.

Below is a four book series called ‘God’s Design for Sex ‘ which parents can read with their children individually allowing time for questions and discussion. Though some topics may seem difficult to talk about at first, it is much better for children to learn a Biblical view of such issues from their parents before they get a potentially distorted view from elsewhere.  Each book gives a suggested age range, but as each child is different parents need to make their own decisions about what is appropriate for your children at which age:

The Story of MeBook 1 (ages 3 to 5) The Story of Me    (Stan and Brenna Jones) (  Book Depository – UK )

Before I Was Born (God's Design for Sex)Book 2 (ages 5 to 8 ) Before I was Born  (Carolyn Nystrom) (Book Depository – UK)

What's the Big Deal?: Why God Cares about SexBook 3 (ages 8 to 11) What’s the Big Deal?    (Stan and Brenna Jones) ( Book Depository – UK  )

Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You (God's Design for Sex)Book 4 (ages 11 to 14) Facing the Facts   (Stan and Brenna Jones) ( Book Depository-UK )

 (Links for books are to Amazon – US, with alternative link to the Book Depository – UK which has free delivery worldwide.)

Having raised the issue with helpful books like these, further teaching opportunities arise over time as your children are exposed to various sexual issues. Reading the Bible regularly with your children, will also often lead to discussions. The Bible has many examples of sexual brokenness, its consequences and God’s grace. Passages such as Lot and his daughters (Genesis 19), Dinah (Genesis 34), Judah and Tamar (Genesis 39), Joseph (Genesis 39), David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11), Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13) etc. inevitably lead to questions which can be answered (or followed up) at an age appropriate level, reinforcing other conversations you have had. In all of these it’s important to emphasise God’s grace, and his wisdom as the designer of sex and relationships.

Online resources:
Sex according to the Bible   (Justin Taylor, blog post)
How to talk to your kids about sex (Mark and Grace Driscoll, blog post)
Speaking frankly about…Well, you know (Michael McKinley, blog post on addressing sexual issues in an intergenerational church setting)
 How and when to tell your kids about sex: a lifelong approach to shaping your child’s sexual character (Stan and Brenna Jones, book)
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ conference talks  (Book: free  pdf )

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Posted in Parenting, Sexual purity

Can I be saved if I am living in constant, secret sin?

Posted on September 1, 2010 | Leave a comment

Ongoing struggle with a particular sin or sins may cause us to question whether we are truly Christians or not. This is an important question. A Christian is someone who is repenting (turning from their sinful rebellion and self-reliance) and believing / trusting the gospel of Jesus (Mark 1:15, Acts 20:21). To become a Christian is to be made a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) or be born again (John 3:3-8, 1 Peter 1:23), with new desires: loving God, wanting to live for him and please him. Yet, Christians will still battle with ‘indwelling sin’, there will be a conflict between the Spirit and the sinful nature (Galatians 5:17).

The children of God are free through regeneration from bondage to sin. Yet…their still remains in them a continuing occasion for struggle…a smoldering cinder of evil, from which desires continually leap forth to allure and spur you to commit sin. (John Calvin, Institutes, 3.3.10)

Through the gospel and the Spirit Christians have real power for ongoing growth in this battle (Romans 6:11-14, Titus 2:11-13). God tells us that If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves (1 John 1:8), yet warns us that No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God (1 John 3:9).  If we continue to wilfully give in to a particular sin, it may be because we do not truly know God, or it may be that we have not grasped the power of the gospel and the Spirit in overcoming sin.

The Bible calls us to examine ourselves and test ourselves to see whether we are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5), yet there is a danger in becoming overly introspective and looking at our own actions more than the finished work of Christ.  God calls us to repent and believe the gospel. Believe the gospel: trust that Jesus death on the cross is sufficient for God to forgive you of sin you are presently conscious of  and all other sin too. Repent: Acknowledge the seriousness of your sin against God and your inability to save yourself, seek God’s power through the gospel, the Spirit, and the help of other Christians to make practical changes in relation to specific sins. The gospel gives us power for real change. A Christian does not have to remain enslaved by a particular sin.  Legalism says, “You must not . . .” The gospel says, “You need not . . . because God is bigger and better than sin.” (Tim Chester)

In this clip David Powlison answers someone who is wondering whether they could truly be a Christian if they have been involved in ongoing secret sin:

The article David refers to is: Making All Things New: Restoring Joy to the Sexually Broken. Video and audio of his talk on this topic here .

Other resources:  How Can I be Sure I’m a Christian?  by Donald Whitney.         You Can Change: God’s transforming Power for our Sinful Behaviour and Negative Emotions   by Tim Chester.

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Posted in Assurance, Indwelling sin, Sexual purity

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