Category Archives: Parenting

The One You Need

This song by Shane and Shane expresses the heart of a Christian father towards his daughter: he loves her and wants to protect her, but knows her greatest need is Jesus. To make anyone or anything other than Jesus our greatest love will lead ultimately to enslavement and disillusionment. Only Jesus can perfectly love and fulfill us.

Even the best earthly fathers, as this song says, will let their children down at times, tragically some fathers will selfishly cause their children great pain. The imperfect fatherly love expressed in this song  points us to the perfect Father we all long for. The Father who truly knows us, and is able to perfectly love and protect us. The Father who  wants us to know him, and his Son Jesus.

Hey, hey sweet daughter
I’m so proud to be your father
Each day is like a gift from God
Hey, hey sweet daughter
There’s no music like your laughter
And your smile is like the rising sun
You know I’ve loved you from the start
So come in close, take my hand 
While Daddy shares his heart
 

I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one to give you all the things you need
Sometimes I’m gonna let you down
There’s Someone if you just believe
He’ll be your hero like He’s always been for me
Darling, Jesus is the one you need

No matter what you walk through
He will always love you
Just the way you are
For there’s nothing in this world
That I want for my baby girl
Than to be happy ever after
The story of your life is still untold
I pray the King of all the Universe
Would make your heart His home
 

I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one to give you all the things you need
Sometimes I’m gonna let you down
There’s Someone if you just believe
He’ll be your hero like He’s always been for me
Darling, Jesus is the one

Who will never leave
He’s been there all along
All ready You can find true love

Training and protecting your children online

Rapid changes in technology have brought many advantages, but also various dangers. For Christian parents bringing our children up ‘in the training and instruction of the Lord’  (Ephesians 6:4) will include training them to use technology wisely. Below are some resources to help you:

1. Information sites
Be web aware (introductory information for parents)
Thinkuknow.co.uk (information for parents and children)
Facebook’s Family Safety Centre (minimum age for a Facebook profile is 13)
Net-cetera-heads-up (a guide for teens and parents about online issues)
 
2. Legal Risks
This article highlights some of the legal risks of using social media.  A recent study found most teenagers are unaware of these risks.
 
3. Training Program
Below is a promo  clip for God’s Technology a 35 minute presentation which costs the US$5 to download (free study guide ). It expands on the following 7 point training program which is then applied to Facebook:
1. Educate (teach both yourself and your children about online issues)
2. Fence (set appropriate boundaries)
3. Mentor (actively train your children in their use of technology)
4. Supervise (use appropriate physical and technological supervision)
5. Review (sit down with your children regularly and review their use of digital media)
6. Trust (gradually reduce the level of supervision as they grow in wisdom and earn your trust)
7. Model (show your children by example what wise and godly use of technology involves)
 
4. Interactive activities that children or young people could do with parents to assist in discussions about online issues
Cyber Cafe Quiz (quiz for 8+ on internet safety)
Cyber Pigs (game for 8+ about online safety)
A Thin Line (questions for 13+ from a largely secular perspective about where to draw the line in terms of texting etc. Though Christians may draw the line in different places, these questions could lead to helpful discussions.)

5. Filtering and accountability software. The clip below from Covenant Eyes   gives an introduction to some online issues :

This posted adapted from Steve Kryger’s list: Online Safety Resources and  his earlier post  Resources: How to protect our children online .

Resources for helping parents teach their children about sex

Christian parents are to bring our children up ‘in the training and instruction of the Lord’ (Ephesians 6:4). This will include having healthy, age appropriate, discussions about sex. Jesus’ view of sex and marriage is clear, when questioned about marriage he refers to God’s original intention: the Creator ‘made them male and female’ (Genesis 1:27), and said ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). Jesus concludes ‘So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate‘ (Matthew 19:3-6). Jesus and the Bible view sex as a good gift from our wise and loving Creator, to be enjoyed within a committed, life-long relationship between husband and wife.

Receiving a healthy, Biblical understanding of sex from their parents will help children as they are inevitably exposed to a confusing variety of views about sex and marriage. For example, one recent study found that 90 % of boys and 60% of girls between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally (London School of Economics January 2002). Early, age-appropriate discussions with your children keep the door open for ongoing conversations as further issues arise.

Below is a four book series called ‘God’s Design for Sex ‘ which parents can read with their children individually allowing time for questions and discussion. Though some topics may seem difficult to talk about at first, it is much better for children to learn a Biblical view of such issues from their parents before they get a potentially distorted view from elsewhere.  Each book gives a suggested age range, but as each child is different parents need to make their own decisions about what is appropriate for your children at which age:

The Story of MeBook 1 (ages 3 to 5) The Story of Me    (Stan and Brenna Jones) (  Book Depository – UK )

Before I Was Born (God's Design for Sex)Book 2 (ages 5 to 8 ) Before I was Born  (Carolyn Nystrom) (Book Depository – UK)

What's the Big Deal?: Why God Cares about SexBook 3 (ages 8 to 11) What’s the Big Deal?    (Stan and Brenna Jones) ( Book Depository – UK  )

Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You (God's Design for Sex)Book 4 (ages 11 to 14) Facing the Facts   (Stan and Brenna Jones) ( Book Depository-UK )

 (Links for books are to Amazon – US, with alternative link to the Book Depository – UK which has free delivery worldwide.)

Having raised the issue with helpful books like these, further teaching opportunities arise over time as your children are exposed to various sexual issues. Reading the Bible regularly with your children, will also often lead to discussions. The Bible has many examples of sexual brokenness, its consequences and God’s grace. Passages such as Lot and his daughters (Genesis 19), Dinah (Genesis 34), Judah and Tamar (Genesis 39), Joseph (Genesis 39), David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11), Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13) etc. inevitably lead to questions which can be answered (or followed up) at an age appropriate level, reinforcing other conversations you have had. In all of these it’s important to emphasise God’s grace, and his wisdom as the designer of sex and relationships.

Online resources:
Sex according to the Bible   (Justin Taylor, blog post)
How to talk to your kids about sex (Mark and Grace Driscoll, blog post)
Speaking frankly about…Well, you know (Michael McKinley, blog post on addressing sexual issues in an intergenerational church setting)
 How and when to tell your kids about sex: a lifelong approach to shaping your child’s sexual character (Stan and Brenna Jones, book)
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ conference talks  (Book: free  pdf )

Family Bible reading and prayer – some ideas

Whether you call it ‘family devotions’, ‘family worship’ or ‘family Bible reading’, the practice of parents regularly reading the Bible and praying with their children can be a vital part of bringing our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). It does not have to be long or elaborate, better to be short, simple and regular. Ligon Duncan and Terry Johnson offer these helpful thoughts:

A whole host of practical questions and problems come to mind once we determine to begin family worship. How long should it last? It should be regularly brief, as little as ten minutes when the children are very young. Gradually, it will run a little longer as they grow older and conversations strike up. Don’t kill it by trying to go too long. Pace yourself. Regularity and repetition is the key. When should we do family worship? When it works – morning/breakfast, suppertime or bedtime are the three most common times. What about the obstacles to starting and continuing family worship?… There are dozens of potential hindrances: lack of discipline, lack of sense of the importance of family worship, lack of experience of family worship in one’s own upbringing and more.  But above all, the enemy is idealism. You have this picture of a Puritan family sitting around the table attentively and reverently reading the whole book of 1 Chronicles at a sitting, singing half the Psalter from memory, and praying for ninety minutes, and then you look around your table and your wife is rolling her eyes, your two-year old is throwing left-over spaghetti around the kitchen, your eight-year old is making faces at her sister and your teenager would rather do calculus. Do not let the gap between the ideal and the reality stop you! Those unattentive children will grow up and thank you for persevering, and the memories of a father who loved them enough to make that kind of an effort will etch a permanent affection in their hearts. [1]

The two most important components of such family times are:

Bible Reading: Read a short section from the Bible (as the children grow they may like to share in reading aloud), then ask your children some simple questions. You may like to read from the passage you’ve already read privately that day, so you can prepare and anticiapate their questions. If you’d prefer help, there are many resources, including  Table Talk ,  various books by Susan Hunt and  Long Story Short by Marty Machowski. There are also some good Bible overviews for younger children such as the  The Big Picture Story Bible .

Prayer: One or both parents can pray. As your children grow, they may like to pray too. Don’t be too concerned if they don’t want to pray sometimes, or they pray the same thing every day. Let them learn over time from your example of asking your Heavenly Father. You may also teach your children to pray by reading prayers from the Bible, like Jesus’ model prayer (Matthew 6:9-13),  Psalm 51, Psalm 121, or Psalm 145, or using other model prayers written by Christians.[2] As they grow it can be helpful to pray for missionaries you support or use a persecuted Christians prayer guide to grow a perspective of God’s work in the wider world.

 You may like to add one or more of the following components: Continue reading